If a girl you liked told you she wants to take things slow and be friends first-would you still want

Publish date: 2024-05-04
"If he isn't sure about her intentions, it would be incumbent upon him to ask and then evaluate whether he wants to proceed under whatever terms he was given."
Except those terms tend to be entirely self serving to the woman in question and if he's not a guy who gets a lot of interest he will tend to feel he has no choice but to accept it... which in the long term will tend to cause him problems that don't exist when he meets a woman who is interested in him.

"I think women should learn that if they are going to reject a guy, just say "Sorry, I am not interested in dating you" and leave it at that."
Agreed.

"The whole "Let's be friends" thing is just to salve their own conscience. I also think that women should ask guys out, and when they get rejected then they would understand what men go through."
Yep.

"I think the concept of a "friend zone" is just BS."
Here however I think you're wrong. The friendzone is real and happens when a woman likes a guy well enough to want to spend time with him but is not attracted to him on a romantic level. This can be because he isn't physically attractive enough (the main reason) but also because he didn't make a move soon enough or also because he did something that was a turn off so her romantic feelings evaporated. But just because he isn't romantically interesting to her doesn't mean she doesn't or won't enjoy spending time with him. Hell some women will keep guys hanging around simply because they're lonely and want attention.

I seen it happen in my own life, I've read accounts from women who've friendzoned guys and you see a massive number of posts from inexperienced guys who heard "lets be friends first" and watched the girl he was interested date someone else.

"I think that young guys read about this online and automatically assume that if a woman doesn't just ooze enthusiasm and gush over his date request that she is being demeaning and disrespectful."
I don't think it's that at all. I think the issue is that guys get frustrated when they realize that trying to be her friend doesn't work. They then feel lied to when what she told him (be my friend and we'll see where it leads) doesn't actually lead anywhere other than to the side lines. The problem is that for women outside of a relationship, their attraction to a guy generally goes down over time, whereas for a guy it is more likely to stay the same or go up as he gets to know her better. (She sees more of his flaws where he sees more of the things to like about her.)

So when she uses the FZ as a place to further vette his quality as a man, she loses interest where as he becomes more interested because he started out attracted but then got an additional emotional connection. The FZ is real and it sucks (whether you're a man or a woman trapped in it.)

"A lot of guys today lack the social skills to approach a woman and be someone that is attractive to a woman,"
Yep.

"... try to back door a relationship by being "FWB". I blame the internet for that."
You can't blame the internet for that. That issue has been around since before writing was invented.

"I also blame the internet for that foolishness called "incels" or "involuntary celibate". these are guys that have no social skills and get all of their information from the internet from sites that "instruct" guys how to get over on women, so called "pick up" sites, and from really disturbed people on websites like "Return of Kings" which you and I would find just silly, but young gullible men just eat it up."

Actually incel and the ROK guys are two wildly different groups. Incels are guys (and originally women) that just failed with the opposite sex. The incel's recent rise to notoriety is because some of them have externalized their hatred of themselves to women and they've develop their black pill theory to abdicate any responsibility/ability to better themselves. At least the original theorists of MGTOW still advocated doing things to make themselves happy. The black pill-ers are basically nihilists who use misogyny and the universe being aligned against them as a coping mechanism for their self esteem and depression issues.

"From what I read she wanted to get to know the guy at her pace."

In my experience women who like a guy, and are capable of a relationship don't leave it to chance when an opportunity arises.

To put it another way, if you were looking for a better job (GF), all other things being equal, would you quit what you're currently doing and go with the one that gave you a firm offer in writing, or wait for the one asking you for a 4th interview (i.e. the FZ)? When there are multiple applicants they can't all win and numerically most must lose for any one opening.

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